I’ve decided I want to post more pictures. Rather than just thinking about doing it, I’m starting right now. I will be posting on this blog once a week. I’ll be participating in the Weekly Photo Challenge at WordPress. I know it won’t be easy, …
15 Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words. 16 They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of …
*Note* This series comes from an integrative theology paper that I wrote on the intersection of the doctrine of sin and identity development in young adolescent girls. You can read part one here
Research on Young Adolescent Girls and Self Esteem Development
Peggy Orenstein’s book, Schoolgirls explores self esteem and what she calls the “Confidence Gap” in young women. In response to the American Association of University Women’s 1992 report on the achievement gap in schools between boys and girls “How Schools Shortchange Girls”, Orenstein spent a year observing in two Jr. High Schools, one urban and one suburban, and argues that the achievement gap is driven by a confidence gap.
Self esteem is something spoken of quite often in Education and Youth Development fields. Orenstein describes self esteem as a result of two beliefs a young person holds, first how well she thinks she does at things that are important to her, and second what she believes other important people in her life think about her abilities in those areas.[1]
Many religious leaders worry that too much emphasis on self esteem hurts the spiritual development of youth,[2] this is a mistake. Healthy self-esteem is not the same as selfishness or pride. While there are some who have a much inflated sense of self-esteem that is prideful or selfish, many others have a very deflated sense of self-esteem. Women tend to evaluate themselves more poorly and have a lower self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem is not irrationally high nor low. It is not denying our sinful nature, nor our bearing of the imago dei. Healthy self-esteem is to accept and love the person that God created[3].
According to Orenstein, girls regardless of race or ethnicity experience a drop in self esteem and confidence in early adolescence. When asked to agree or disagree with the stamen, “I am happy the way I am.” Fewer girls agreed at age fifteen than at age nine. The drop was largest in Latina girls and smallest in African American girls.
| Race/Ethnicity | Drop in percentage points between ages 9 and 15 of girls who say, “I am happy the way I am.” |
|
African American |
7 |
|
Latino |
38 |
|
White |
33 |
Another dynamic of self-esteem in these early adolescent women is their perception of what it would be like to be a boy, and their male classmates’ views on what it would be like to be a girl. When asked to describe what life would be like if they were born the opposite gender, Orenstein observed the boys’ responses were largely “have to”s, while the girl’s responses were mostly “get to”s, for example:
| What boys said | What girls said | |
| If I were the other gender[4] |
|
|
Orenstein’s research is almost two decades old. The American Association of University Women’s latest report “Wher the Girls Are,” published in 2008, shows that the achievement gap in middle school, and in college entrance exams has closed significantly. However the themes of Orenstein’s research are reflected in pop culture and In 2008, Beyoncé’s song, “If I Were a Boy” climbed to number one on the billboard charts. This song echoes the discussion in Orenstein’s book.
If I were a boy even just for a day/ I’d roll out of bed in the morning/ And throw on what I wanted
And go drink beer with the guys / And chase after girls / I’d kick it with who I wanted/ And I’d never get confronted for it/ ‘Cause they stick up for me[5]
Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self Esteem, and the Confidence Gap
Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls
I Am…Sasha Fierce[1] Orenstein xxiii
[2] See for example: What The Bible Says About Parenting Biblical Principle For Raising Godly Children by John MacArthur. “Self-esteem is based on an unbiblical perspective that denies original sin and the doctrine of total depravity” (41).
[3] Eckert 100
[4] Orenstein xxxii and xxxiii
[5] Beyoncé “If I were a boy” I am…Sasha Fierce 2008
In honor of Fear and Shame busting Fridays – Here’s a funny video of people getting scared.
It’s been a baby filled week. (No, I’m not pregnant and we have no plans to adopt). The thing with babies is, they grow and change and develop so quickly. Saturday night we partied hard at Lucy’s one year birthday party. At the same party …
One of the most helpful tools for developing my creativity, processing my thoughts and talking to God is to journal. I can sit down with a feeling that I don’t even know how to name, sit down for awhile with a journal, and after a …
Last week I wrote about Adam and Eve being naked before the Lord and each other and feeling no shame, so I was intrigued when the Sojourners blog posted this article, “Naked Before the Lord.” It wasn’t quite . . . Let’s just say …
I should say, right off the top, I like Bruno Mars a lot. I don’t think that he’s trying to go for the whole “social consciousness” pop thing. He’s an entertainer, he sings fun, sweet or emotional songs, and connects with his audience. He’s a heartthrob, and a good singer. Richard and I saw Janelle Monae and Bruno Mars this spring at Roy Wilkins, and while Janelle was far and away my favorite part of the night. Bruno was a good show.
So, I realize that critiquing his music for theological content is a little bit of a stretch. I’m not trying to critique, though, not really. What I’m hoping is that as we look at his songs we can understand what it is about his music that resonates with us, and where God would speak to us in those cries of the heart.
So without further ado, “Grenade” by Bruno Mars.
Darling, I’d still catch a grenade for ya, throw my hand on a blade for ya, I’d jump in front of a train for ya . . . but you won’t do the same.
When I first heard this song, I thought, “wow, there’s a song with some theological significance.” Here’s someone who would do something so extreme that he would give his life for someone that he loves. Just like Jesus right?
I mean, the Bible says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends..” (John 15:13)
And “while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
But the more I listen to this song (and I’m still listening to it quite a bit), something in the lyrics just hasn’t been sitting right with me. There are two things I think.
Relationships
If your hope is in your partner, you’re going to have problems. If you are so committed to a partner that you would do anything for them and they won’t do anything for you, I would say that you are being taken advantage of. This is a toxic, co-dependent relationship and you need to get away. You may also need to talk to someone and get help. This sort of love is not romantic, it is gross. Love should make you feel alive. Love is hard, but in a romantic partnership both partners should have hard times and good times. Times of being served and taken care of and times of serving and taking care of.
Why we Love and Give
The other part of this song that sits funny with me, is Bruno’s expectation of what it means to give love. Yes Jesus gave himself freely, and the Christian martyrs have done the same. Yes, we like Bruno’s lover will rarely do the same for Christ. Yet, I don’t think that Jesus’ response to us is to say:
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you’re from – Mad woman, bad woman, that’s just what you are,
Instead, he calls us friends, he asks his father for forgiveness. He offers his life knowing that he will be rejected, he doesn’t do it looking for reciprocity, he does it because he loves us.
So too we, don’t give generously, or love deeply in order to get a response. We do so because as God’s dearly loved children, we give our love away freely. Yes we have boundaries, we don’t give what’s not ours to give away. But we don’t give expecting reciprocity either. We invite people into reciprocal love, but we don’t demand it.